NFL Cuts Stones' Satisfaction

At the recent Rolling Stones performance at the US Super Bowl Championship, officials lowered the volume of Mick Jaggers' microphone at 'appropriate moments' to silence explicit and suggestive language.

In a recent press release titled, '(I Can't Get No) Amplification', Mick Jagger lashed out at NFL officials, saying the move was 'absolutely ridiculous and completely unnecessary.'

The NFL defended themselves, stating that they wanted to promote a healthy, family environment at the game.

In what can only be described as a bitter feud, NFL spokesman Brian McCarthy told Jagger, 'You can't always get what you want!'

Through tears, Jagger replied 'But sometimes, you get what you need.'

Britney Spears, who has never experienced having a working microphone, could not understand why Jagger was so upset.

Jagger told the Far Side that he was used to being a 'street fighting man' and would give no 'sympathy to the NFL devil.'